5. Vitrectomy. This procedure is used to seal the bleeding from small blood vessels on the retina (retinopathy), at the back of the eye. Basically, three tiny holes are made in the eye and the vitreous gel is removed, laser treatment is applied to the retina and then the eye is refilled with saline and oil. I've had three of these (one in each eye!!). Actually I've had two in my left eye and one in my right. The right side was a great success, stabilizing the retinopathy, but the two in my left eye have resulted in the retina becoming detached and a cataract growing in the lens and has left me totally blind in that eye (so not so good). The overall pain was minimal, probably more of a pain in the arse really, due to the patch that they leave over your eye for 24 hours after the job. Folowing the op it felt as if I'd poked myself in the eye.
4. Arthroscopy. I had the cartilage trimmed on my left knee after it went "bang" a couple of years ago. The operation was done under general anaesthetic. It was mildly painful for about 2-3 weeks, but I could ride my bike in the third week without too much trouble.
3. Cholecystectomy. I had my gall bladder removed following a few months of increasing pain. It had become completely infected, full of gravel and was 3 or 4 times larger than it ought to be. It was expected to burst! I had to take antibiotics for 2 weeks before they would remove the gall bladder. The pain of the infection was as bad as the operation, but the op soon got rid of that. The three holes from the keyhole surgery each had a stitch in which dissolved after about 2 weeks.
2. Amputation. About 3 years ago I had to have my little toe removed from my left foot due to a diabetic ulcer. This first operation was not a complete success by any stretch of the imagination. I was discharged from hospital with a raging infection and the district nurse that visited me 2 days later sent me straight back into hospital again. Within 24 hours of being re-admitted, I had the next toe and a quarter of my foot amputated (ray amputation). This took quite a time to heal due to the lack of blood supply, the same reason that the ulcer had started in the first place. Overall it took about a year to become good enough to leave without a dressing, during which there were some very painful periods and some lesser times. The dressing of the wound was often quite sore too.
1. Cystoscopy. OK, now I've had a camera put down my throat and into my stomach, which caused me to heave violently and constantly for about 15 minutes. The poor nurse that was stood next to me with a kidney bowl didn't stand a hope of catching what was coming out of me. By the end of the procedure I was completely exhausted through lack of breath and she was on her knees trying to clear a path for me to walk out of the room. We were all glad that the job was over, I can assure you. But that isn't the worst place I've had a camera stuck...I'm no better endowed than most, so imagine having a camera pushed into your bladder via your "Jap's Eye"!!
When the doctors first noted protein in my urine, they presumed it was from my kidneys, which is not uncommon when diabetic complications occur. However they need to eliminate the possibility that you are bleeding from your bladder. Needless to say, the procedure is not at all pleasant. But then, afterwards it is even worse. When they take the camera out, they tell you to pee before you can leave. I did that without any problem, not realising that the anaesthetic was still working on my todger. However, I had ridden my bike to the hospital and once I'd ridden back I needed to pee again. The anaesthetic was wearing off by then and the pain that came with the dribble of pee was pretty bad. I'd just got over that when I had to go again...and again...and again! Every time I was only able to pass a small amount, but it felt like I was peeing razor blades! The pain was so bad that it stopped the flow each time but I had to keep trying. Eventually, a few hours later, it subsided. But, out of all the procedures I have had, that has to be the most memorable and so probably the most painful of all.

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